Well, this is fine state of affairs! I returned from the secret Olympic Training Camp just in time to get my application in for a major role in the Olympics and find that all I am being offered is a body double for a Corgi. ( Apparently the one I'm replacing has a deep aversion to Daniel Craig and can't stop attacking his ankles). During the filming I tried to sneak on the helicopter behind the Queen but without success so I raced off down to the Thames just in time to get on the speed-boat with David Beckham and the Olympic torch .Thrilling but who knew the boat would be going so fast? By the time we had got there I was so sea-sick they had to carry me in and that's how I came to be in the Olympic Opening Ceremony in one of the beds in the NHS scene. Needless to say the little Boy who was supposed to be in the bed was very annoyed and had a great tantrum when they said they needed the bed for someone else- ME! The other Bears were deeply impressed to see me on the telly. But as I explained to the younger ones when One is a international celebrity, no big national event is complete without One somewhere in shot, or at least that's what the Queen said to me when we were together in make-up! I was just getting ready for my starring role at the Blakesley Show on August 4th when they broke the news that due to the soggy ground conditions the Show had been CANCELLED!!! Still I have BBC iplayer on 24/7 with re-runs of my starring role in the Olympics. I wouldn't say it had gone to my head but I am thinking of getting myself painted just to capture the moment for posterity y'know!
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Hi Everyone Did you Miss me ? Think of this as a postcard from the Carribean where I am sunning myself - away from the rain at last. My fur was getting soggy so I packed my bags and jetted off. I shall sit it out till August when I am reliably informed we shall have a heat wave! ( Ok, Ok, I am secretly training for the Olympics but don't tell the other Bears- I still have to qualify you know!) It was the night before Christmas and all through the house the sound of Bears snoring was shaking the house,
When suddenly there was a bang and crash, something was stirring and creeping about. Lets hope its Father Christmas and not Monty larking about muttered the older bears .......Merry Christmas Everybody!! Monty Middlechild's Bedtime Story There were 10 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll-over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Pip fell out. There were 9 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Charlie fell out There were 8 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Jasper fell out There were 7 bears in bed and Monty said : Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Arthur fell out There were 6 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Timmy fell out There were 5 bears in bed and Monty said : Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Flora fell out There were 4 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Claude fell out There were 3 bears in bed and Monty said: Roll–over, roll-over! They all rolled over and Milly fell out There were 2 bears in bed and Monty said : Roll–over, roll-over! They both rolled over and Alfie fell out There was 1 bear in bed and Monty said: Phew, at last I’ve got all the bedclothes to myself! Keeping the young bears entertained in the holidays is very hard work- Just off to my favourite hidey-hole under the apple tree to catch a few zzzzzzs- Toodle pip! MONTY MIDDLECHILD'S BEAR MANIFESTO A home for every bear and A Bear for every child
Bears will listen to children’s or adult confidences and not snitch. Free Honey for Bears and Teddy Bears Picnics on demand. Bears will provide warm comforting cuddles 24/7 Bears will accompany their owners everywhere, however uncomfortable the journey Bears shall not be abandoned, dropped or forgotten in shops, cinemas or on buses. Bears shall be treated with respect and not left out all night in the garden. Bears shall not be hurled down the stairs nor dropped from high places without a parachute Bears shall not be given to the dog to be chewed up and slobbered over. Bears shall not be put on “boil wash” till their insides shrink. Bears shall not be left hanging on the line at the mercy of every passing bird. Bears shall not be left forgotten on tops of cupboards to be eaten by moths. Bears will treat their homes with respect and not sprawl about untidily. Bears will bring warmth and personality to the dullest room. Bears will grow old gracefully and bring a smile to everyone they meet. Phew what a scorcher! The weather this weekend has been glorious and I have been busy topping up my tan . The younger Bears have broken up for the school holidays so it has been very noisy in the house and outside in the lane where they have been racing their bikes and trikes in their version of the Tour de Blakesley complete with a speed trial to the brook and back. There were a few disputes over the awards of the Yellow and Green jerseys but Sir Archibold intervened , and everyone quietened down at once (there is simply no point in arguing with someone of his girth! ) There is an air of intense excitement in the House as we are making our debut at the Blakesley Show ( For those of you that don't know about it , Blakesley has one of, if not the oldest Agricultural Show in the Country. This year is the 127th Show. Come and join in the fun next Saturday 6th August 2011 at Hootens Farm.) The Bears have been holding Beauty parades to see which ones will represent Blakesley Bears on our Stand in the Craft Tent . Obviously because of size constraints, Sir Archibold and Grizelda have ruled themselves out to leave more room for the little ones, but competition for places has been fierce. As I was snatching 40 winks in the conservatory I couldn't help noticing how very noisy it was getting outside. The hum of the bees and the twittering of birds bickering in the wisteria was as nothing beside the loud roar of the combines which have been working from dawn to dusk harvesting the rapeseed crop which is all around us. But it was the noise of cattle that were hollering from the nearby farm yard that caught my attention, The noise seemed remarkably close, much closer in fact- I could have sworn at least one of them was hollering right under my window. I got up to investigate. Just as I guessed mischief was afoot in the form of little Cousin Claude who was parading a very stubborn bull. "Majestic" our Merrythought bull was apparently being prepared for his part in the Blakesley Show. When I asked why, Little Cousin Claude said : "Because we're aiming to win Best in show Competition in the Cattle Classes! " Now everyone knows that bulls can be difficult , but in this hot weather trying to teach a bull how to sashay round the ring to impress the judges was going too far. ( I blame " Strictly come dancing" which had all the Bears mesmerised for weeks.) Anyway I calmed down Majestic and sent little Cousin Claude to bed with a flea in his ear. So peace reigns once more except that we have a bull who thinks he's a celebrity and a Bear who thinks he's a dance coach and as we all know there's only room for one celebrity in this house ,by the way has anyone seen my mobile? I'm sure I've been hacked!! What an adventure we had yesterday morning! I was busy composing a poem on the iniquities of life , on my laptop, when suddenly everything shut down. The lights went off, the fridge and freezer stopped humming, Spotify switched off on the computer upstairs, and my laptop ground to a halt (I said that battery was useless). The only sounds to be heard in the house were the complaints of Bears caught in the electric shower, and trying to use their electric toothbrushes. Turns out the Electricity people had turned off the power to the village for the day so that trees could be cut back to stop branches from resting on the power cables. Turns out we were supposed to know! Turns out they were an hour later than planned with the shut down and we should be grateful! Turns out ...(.rather well in the end as it happens!) I took my coffee and sat outside in the sunshine, quite a nice quiet day for composing poems I thought. All of a sudden, Jemima, one of the Tara Bears, came running up with a startling bit of news. She whispered something in my ear reminding me of the day last autumn when my parachute failed to open and I ended up stuck in a tree, on the day of the Blakesley Church Teddy Bear Parachute Drop from the Church Tower. Most people know better than to mention how I had to climb down the tree leaving my parachute behind, it's been up there stranded in a branch ever since much to my embarassment and annoyance. "Come into the Church Yard quick!" begged Jemima. Sure enough five or six bears were peering round the gravestones where there was an excellent view of the workers stopping traffic and preparing to trim the trees. Then I saw it too. A bright yellow cherry-picker, unoccupied and just waiting to be used. Jasmine one of the smaller bears was sent off to distract the workers by taking their photographs and as they all posed for pics, Rudy, another bear got behind the controls and a brave Bear climbed heroically into the cherrypicker and ascended to the very top of the tree. The parachute was tangled in the foliage and there was a tear in one of the ribs. The brave Bear was just tugging it free when his foot slipped and he ended up upside-down hanging by his ankle. Luckily by then one of the workers had spotted what was going on and staged a dramatic rescue bringing the brave Bear and the parachute safely back to earth. I was delighted to get my parachute back and the doc says the strapping round my ankle will be off in time for the Blakesley Show, but it cost me an box of custard tarts to get the incriminating photos, of me hanging upside down and being rescued, back from the other Bears. Oh the iniquities of life! Still turns out I shall be back up the Church Tower for the next Parachute jump after all! Got to go fix my parachute! Toodle pip! What a hectic time we have had in the Bear Household, first, the peacocks ( turns out they were three cocks and one hen) caused so much fuss and mayhem, honking and screeching at all hours , taking off and landing on car roofs and dive bombing flower beds around the village that the word went out : they must be caught. And so they were one by one over a couple of days- lured to bait under a giant net , but they didn't go quietly ,the renegades made one heck of a din as they contemplated their diminishing numbers till finally the sole survivor made an impassioned plea from the top of a tree for the rest to return. At last he gave in to the lure of the bait and they were all safely relocated a few miles away, much to the relief of the village gardeners who were desperate to save their flowers and vegetables from the long-legged marauders.
I saw the kingfisher was back on the pond the very next day- apparently the Peacocks had made so much fuss they had scared him off but of course he only likes fish so the Gardens are safe!! Then we had the Blakesley Open Gardens Day to prepare for. Several of the bigger Bears were recruited to spruce up the Bear garden, mow the lawn, trim the paths, pick up litter and pull up nettles. All seemed to be going well till suddenly it all went quiet . I went to investigate and spotted several pink noses and stained paws which gave the game away, they had only crawled through the box hedge into the fruit garden and were greedily guzzling all the raspberries and strawberries. Luckily the blackcurrants ,gooseberries and apples were still unripe or we should have had no tea-time jam for next winter. Naughty bears, I wouldn't have minded but by the time I got there , there were none left!! We have had several new arrivals and departures in the Bear Household this month, but we were all roped in to help Miranda Merrythought move out this week. Miranda had volunteered to help with the raffle for the Open Gardens and she was soon to go to her new owners ready to seek new adventures armed with her passport, sunglasses and of course her very own picnic basket. Phew, thank goodness all the hardwork is over- its time for me to contemplate the backs of my eyelids behind the Sunday Newspapers- Toodle-pip! Well the Royal Wedding went off without a hitch ( loved the dress!!) and afterwards all the bears had to be banned from practising the Balcony scene as several were caught posing, at great risk, from the top of the Conservatory Windows. To let off steam all the Bears went to Plumpton Woods for a May Day picnic in the Bluebells, They held the usual May Queen celebrations and all was going well until twilight when Simpkins, one of the younger ones was nearly carried off by a badger who mistook him for one of her cubs. It took a lot of negotiations and an SAS style rescue to recover him from the hole where he was being detained. Simpkins told us afterwards, that when we rescued him he was being scolded for getting up early ( an unheard of event in the Bear Household!) The next day we were out in force for the May Fair at Weston, a huge event, thought I had to stop some of the Bears signing up for the clay pidgeon shooting contest- never trust a Bear holding a gun they are very clumsy - that's my advice for free! My trip to the Royal Opera House to see Roland Villazon in Werther was sublime! We cultural types just love Opera. But my BBC I-player recording of the Royal Ballet dancing Alice In Wonderland has been completely ruined by Grizelda who insists on singing along off-key to the music whenever I try to play it. She is rather miffed because Flora was chosen as Queen of the May, and it goes without saying that when Grizelda's nose is put out of joint she makes sure the whole world knows about it! On Saturday all the Bears turned out for the Blakesley Bears Show in the Reading Room at Blakesley, a lovely Fun packed Day and a great chance to meet old and new friends and talk endlessly about my favourite subject- Bear! Needless to say the younger bears extracted a reward for all their efforts and a new bright red plane was purchased so that all could indulge their passion for flying across the garden, however the intermittent wind and rain has put the flying on hold, so the bears are contenting themselves with practising their parachute landings from the top of the stairs , scanning the weather reports from Turweston Airfield and laying bets on predictions for the next sunny day. Off to catch up on the Lunchtime News- Toodle Pip! |
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July 2018
AuthorMonty Middlechild, Bear adventurer, and supporter of the Arts, An ardent Bear Politico speaking up on behalf of Bears Everywhere ! Categories
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